A South West woman whose partner subjected her to physical violence and psychological abuse has shared her story and spoken of her gratitude for the support worker who helped her to leave her abuser.

It comes as Fearless, a charity helping victims of domestic abuse in Devon and Wiltshire, reveals it is receiving up to 100 calls every week as the financial impact of the cost of living crisis and the Covid pandemic continues to take its toll on individuals and families in the South West.

Fearless (previously Splitz Support Service) is one of many victim support services commissioned by the Police and Crime Commissioner for Devon, Cornwall and the Isles of Scilly, Alison Hernandez. The charity receives around 13,000 referrals per year, and says that as many as one in three women, and one in six men, experience domestic abuse in their lifetime.

As part of its Christmas campaign, appealing for vital funds to get adults and children to safety and rebuild their lives free from abuse and fear, Fearless has released a video telling the story of Annie*, a woman whose new relationship quickly turned violent and who eventually found the help she needed thanks to one of the charity’s support workers.

Annie* had a good job, and was surrounded by friends and family, when she started dating a man she met on a night out. She says that while at first it was “fun and exciting”, almost immediately there were red flags, and he first became violent towards her not long after they got together.

“It was only a few dates in before he became violent, but I just shrugged that off as the drink,” she said.

The couple married very quickly and moved abroad, which is when the abuse began to escalate with more violence, destructive behaviour, and emotional and psychological abuse.

“The lies started to become more prevalent, and he started drinking really, really heavily – and so did I. I remember one night he went out, and when he came home he completely destroyed our flat. He tried to strangle me. He hit me over the head once when I was driving as well.”

Annie* found herself in a classic cycle of abuse, with the couple splitting up and getting back together again numerous times, and her husband using extreme emotional threats to further control her and prevent her from leaving.

“We’d break up a lot, we were breaking up all the time,” she says. “He tried to stalk me, and I couldn’t get away. And he threatened to kill himself which is, of course, very difficult to deal with. He’d tell our young children that it was me that was trying to break the family up.”

Annie’s journey to freedom and safety came when her abuser walked out of a perpetrator course he attended in a bid to reconcile the relationship.

“When he was challenged about his behaviour, he just left,” says Annie*. “But then I got a call from a support worker called Nancy, and she offered me some help. I was in the depths of the split, and what was really amazing for me was that she believed me.

“She also taught me about domestic abuse – that was really important – and how to keep myself safe. Ultimately, she was the person who helped me leave him.

“I’m really proud to say I have been supported by Fearless. I honestly don’t know what I would have done had I not met Nancy or utilised their service.”

Domestic abuse can be defined by behaviours including physical, sexual, emotional and financial abuse, and coercive control such as belittling or humiliating behaviours and controlling freedom.

In the 12 months to October 2022, 15,699 domestic abuse crimes were recorded in Devon by Devon and Cornwall Police, a six per cent (+890) increase on the previous year.

The Police and Crime Commissioner Alison Hernandez said such figures were unacceptable and explained why violence against women and girls is a key priority in her Police and Crime Plan.

“Annie’s story is a stark reminder of the horrendous situations too many people are having to live with, and we know that on average a woman will often experience multiple instances of abuse before she has the confidence to leave her abuser,” she said.

“One in three women will experience domestic abuse in her lifetime. It can happen to anyone of any age and gender, and the pain and misery it causes must never be underestimated. Although we know that more than 15,000 crimes were recorded in Devon between November 2021 and October 2022, we know the true number is likely to be much higher, which is why I’m committed to funding services such as Fearless which are working tirelessly to support people suffering at the hands of their abusers.

“It’s vital that we break the stigma attached to domestic abuse, and I would like to thank Annie* for her courage to speak up and share her story, helping to bring this issue into the spotlight and reminding people that help is available, whatever your situation.”

A spokesperson for Fearless said: “At Fearless on average we receive 550 referrals every month, through a variety of different channels. Covid had a significant impact and we now receive double the amount of referrals that we received pre-pandemic, and we have not seen any reduction as we have returned to the new normal.

“As Annie’s story indicates, the individual involved did not recognise or seek support early on in the abuse, despite being physically and emotionally abused on a regular basis. This is not an exception, we know that on average individuals experience 35 incidents of abuse before they eventually reach out for support.

“It may be difficult to understand why anyone would continue in these types of relationships, and this is the impact of domestic abuse that many people struggle to understand. Victims of domestic abuse experience their resilience, self-confidence, self-esteem and self-belied destroyed over a period of time, and this makes it incredibly difficult to feel there is a life outside of that relationship. Entwined with this is a genuine fear of safety for themselves and their families if they leave.

“Staff at Fearless understand the impact of trauma on domestic abuse victims, and work with them to gradually put those individuals back together again, and support them to re-build and move on with their lives.

“Domestic abuse is never a “one off” incident, and we would urge anyone to reach out to us for support. Domestic abuse is not just about physical abuse, many victims experience crippling coercion and control across all aspects of their lives.

“Annie’s comment about ‘being believed’ is something we hear at the Fearless charity on a daily basis. Many individuals won’t come forward because they are fearful that they won’t be listened to, or believed. However, all our staff have undertaken significant training to enable them to truly understand the impact of trauma and can and will help you to put yourselves and your families back together and support you to live a life free from fear.”

Anyone experiencing domestic abuse can contact Fearless at https://www.fear-less.org.uk/ or call 0345 155 1074. You can also email [email protected].